A parody of the pro-gay theologian: the pro-alcoholic theologian.Paul also lists "drunkards " as well as "homosexuals" 1 in his vice list (1 Cor 6:9-10), and some of them were drunkards in the past, but they had changed their mind and their actions, they are now ex-drunks. Paul's (1 Cor 6:9-10) vice list is below:
Let us imagine the pro-alcoholic theologian teaching to alcoholics;2: But it is natural for you to drink, you were born with the drunk gene, you cannot help it. Your drink orientation cannot be changed, you were born that way, change is impossible. Rejoice that you are a drunk and thank God for your alcoholism. Lets have a Drunk-Pride day with stickers that say "God loves drunks", "Jesus was a drunk" and "Jesus said nothing about drunks". Once a drunk always a drunk, you cannot change just like a black man or a left-handed person cannot change, he was born that way. Those people who want you to change are drunk haters (drunkophobes). Studies have showed that 10 percent of the population gets drunk on a regular basis so you are not alone. Scientific studies have shown little evidence that a drunk can get cured, in fact those who try to change get more miserable. Some drunks commit suicide because they are not accepted by society. There is no evidence that Alcoholics Anonymous cured anyone, even those who claim to be cured eventually revert back to being drunks. Those who do claim to be cured and normal are obviously lying and living double lives, they secretly still wish for that drink. The pro-alcoholic theologian then has to sift through all the OT and NT references to show that they do not apply today. He looks at the original languages and finds that drunkeness is only wrong when it is associated with idolatry. He also has to deal with the "clobber" 3 passages for drunks (Mat 24:49, Luk 12:45, Luk 21:34, Rom 13:13, 1Co 5:11, 1Co 6:10, Gal 5:21, Eph 5:18, 1Pe 4:3). He goes on to argue. It does no harm as long as you do not harm anyone and he quotes "love does not harm his neighbour" (Rom 13:10). We can see examples from the OT, Isaac was a bit of a wino (Gen 27:25 and 28). Solomon told us to drink wine and God affirms us (Eccl 9:7). Even God likes the smell of wine (Num 15:7). Wine even cheers God up (Jdg 9:13). Boaz liked his wine and got drunk also and even Ruth supped a little wine (Ruth 2:14, 3:7). Nabel was a drunk (1Sa 25:36). In the Psalms it says that God has given wine to gladden the heart of man (Psa 104:15). In his studies of the original language the pro-alcoholic theologian finds out that the traditional interpretation of scripture does not apply today. The traditional interpretation says that the habitual drunk will not go to heaven. But Jesus said nothing about drunks and therefore it is not a big issue with him. If 10% of the population are drunks now, then it must have been a common practise in his day, but he did not mention it. Also Jesus drank wine and then Jesus told his disciples that he was longing for a drink with them when they joined him in heaven for a big banquet (Mat 26:29, Luke 22:30). In fact Jesus was a closet alcoholic, he was so desperate for more wine that when the wine ran out, his first miracle was to turn water into wine so he could continue drinking (John 2:3-10). He was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard (Mat 11:19). In fact Jesus was a bit of a wine connoisseur as he taught that old wine tasted better than new wine (Luke 5:39). He also knew all about wine storage, he said that the new wine should be put in new wineskins not old ones (Luke 5:37-8). Even on the cross someone offered him sour wine to drink (John 19:30), after his last drink of wine he died. Even Paul was a hypocrite because he told Timothy to stop drinking water and drink wine instead (1 Tim 5:23). This article is a parody. I have, of course, twisted the scripture just like the pro-gay theologians, but I hope that you get my point. 1. It would be more
accurate to say men who have sex with other men, in other words Paul includes
bisexuals as well as homosexuals. Paul uses the Greek words
malakos and arsenokoites 2. This is a limited analogy to homosexuality, but there are many similarities since there may be genetic influences as well as nurture influences for drunkards. Nobody wanted to be a drunk. Both drunkards and the homosexual experience many medical conditions that lead to a lower lifespan. It is very hard to cure a drunk, even if he wants curing. It appears in the 1 Cor 6:9 vice list and some of the Corinthians were ex-drunks. Just like an ex-gay, they might still be tempted to take another drink.. Both are serious enough to barr us from inheriting the kingdom of heaven. Both are sins and both can be repented of. A drunk is an addict to alcohol just as the homosexual is an addict to sex. The drunk looks for his next alcoholic high, and the homosexual seeks his next sexual high. There are also parallels with drugs, the drug addict also seeks his next high and wants it to be better than his last high. Neither the alcoholic, nor the homosexual, nor the drug addict want a cure, they just want the next high. Both deny that they are ill, they both live in a state of denial. Both alcoholics and closet gays are experts in hiding their consuming passion from other people. The same also applies to sex addicts whether they are homosexual or heterosexual. 3. Clobber passages for drunks:
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