Masturbation and Oral Sex.Preface Is masturbation OK for Christian singles, and is oral sex OK within marriage? What does the bible say? It says nothing directly, but Paul clearly has an opinion on the lack of self-control over the body (i.e. masturbation), Paul's solution is marriage (1Co 7:8-9). Masturbation is a thing that men and women do when they do not have a partner4, a husband or wife. It is substitute for the real thing. Most people want the real thing, a man or woman who loves them and accepts them. To become one together physically and emotionally (i.e. the one-flesh of Gen 2:24 when the two become one). I agree with Paul that God has only one solution to the problem of masturbation, a man needs to find a wife and a woman needs to find a husband. Paul says that if an unmarried person cannot exercise self-control 1 they should marry.
Paul says something along similar lines later in Ch 7.
In my opinion (limited wisdom, as I also live in a (single) body in this life, but my guide is still scripture), Paul sums it up perfectly. Masturbation, means that a person cannot exercise self-control (over the body) therefore, they should marry (seek a wife or husband). The covenant of marriage also lasts for life, Paul is very clear on this matter.3 If it is of any help to someone, Paul also writes "For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another." Masturbation is also being a slave to our passions and pleasures. The next verse contains a "but", one of the most wonderful words in the bible "But God" 5. Just looking for books that might help you. For oral sex click here oral sex Introduction: I write this as a Christian man. I write to bible believing Christians who want to honour God with their bodies2. I do not have a wife and four children. I have also experienced the difficulties you go through. I do not have all the answers, but I am writing to my fellow strugglers who have not yet found a godly wife. I want to bring you comfort and hope. Masturbation for a man is a substitute for a wife, any man who masturbates knows that he needs/wants a woman and a wife, this is natural. Masturbation shows a man that he is alone and that he needs a partner. God says 'that it is not good for the man to dwell alone' (Gen 2:18), therefore he created a wife for Adam. Paul says to singles and widows "if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Cor 7:9). The problem in our age is that it is so difficult for a man to find a wife, and for a woman it is so difficult to find a husband. Further there are other substitutes out there, pornography for men and sex toys for women, these are a lot easier to find than to find a partner. These give temporary relief to our 'alone-ness', but are not the answer. However, Paul's advice to the Corinthian church, who also lived in an immoral society just like we do, was that people should marry rather than indulge in sexual immorality (1 Cor 7:2). It is better to marry than to be consumed by masturbation or other substitutes. One issue with masturbation as well as sexual immorality is self-control.
Self-control is a fruit of the spirit (Gal 5:23), however fruit takes time to grow. Our sexual appetite is strong and for most people is difficult to tame, celibacy is unnatural for most people and therefore most people should marry. We should also remember that marriage was one of God's pre-fall ordinances (Gen 2:24). It is natural to marry even in a perfect world, but now in our immoral world marriage also serves to keep us from immorality (Paul's argument in 1Cor 7:2).
Marriage is not just a solution to sexual immorality, it is also God's plan to end loneliness, provide companionship, provide a helper, mutual support, children, joy etc, etc. Most men who have known a woman will say: "she is beautiful", "she sees things differently to me", "I need her", "she sees my weaknesses", "she supports me" (add your own experiences).
If you are a young Christian man, who is facing this battle. You are not alone, we have all been through it. I thanked God that I had become a man, I was not a Christian then. You are going through the experience of most young men. My elders also admitted going through it. All young women go through the experience of first menstruation, not pleasant, but you have become a woman. You are not alone. For resources for those struggling with sexual addiction go here If you are a man struggling with sexual addiction, I do not condemn you. God sent his Son to die for you. God sent his Son whom he loves to suffer pain and shame on the cross. If you feel shame about your sexual sin then know that Jesus also suffered shame on the cross (Heb 12:2). The truth is that Jesus died for sinners not for the healthy but for the sick. Jesus still calls sinners to repentance. God still forgives the prodigal son, yes you have sqandered your wealth on prostitutes, you pay for sex. Yes the gospel is that God even forgives YOU.
(Luke 15:30-32 NIV) But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!' {31} "'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. {32} But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'" The good news of the gospel is that Jesus died for real men and woman who have sinned, just like you and me. We have all fallen short of God's standards. If you want to email me on this article, email me at :rossuk12@hotmail.com
Paraphrased from Sandford's "Transformation of the inner man." What does the bible say? Neither of these topics (masturbation and oral sex) are specifically mentioned in scripture, although some say that the Song of Songs alludes to oral sex. The story of Onan (Gen 38:8-9) is not about masturbation but coitus interruptus, in which he refused to fulfill his Levirate duty as brother in law and to ensure offspring for his dead brother (Deu 25:5-10, Ruth 4:5 ), it is his refusal to impregnate his brothers wife which displeased the Lord. The absence of any mention of masturbation in the bible is surprising considering how widespread it is now, and likely was when the bible was written. Marriage used to be at an earlier age. However in Old and New Testament times marriage was likely to be at an earlier age, compared to now, and therefore masturbation would be less of an issue. Because of high rates of mortality, it would be natural for people to marry early. Marriage ages in the Ancient Near East: (ANE)
In ancient times it was just a phase people go through before marriage. For young women puberty and menstruation was a sign that she was ready for marriage. The women wore less provocative clothing. And, unlike in our age, visual stimuli was very limited. King Herod would give up to half his kingdom because he saw a beautiful girl naked. For most folks such a sight would be impossible, especially for teenage boys. For the Corinthian church a big issue was going to a prostitute. In bible times most marriages would be arranged. Abraham arranged the marriage for Isaac (Gen 24:4). Hagar got a wife for Ishmael from Egypt (Gen 21:21). Suddenly arranged marriages are not so bad, are they? Now we have to arrange our own. We marry late and live in an age of visual stimuli. In contrast, in our age there is much more visual stimulus to provoke and fuel masturbation. We live in an age of television, magazines, video, DVD, the Internet and pornography. We marry much later in life, often we put marriage after our education and finding a good job usually into our late twenties. This gives more time for sexual addiction to develope especially for those who find it difficult to find friends of the opposite sex, and sexual addiction becomes a substitute for the real thing. In the end we come into bondage to masturbation, it controls us rather than us having control over our own body. In 1 Cor 6:12, Paul says '"Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything'. If we become slaves to a bad habit, then we are not in control of our body.
The biggest problem being the combination of pornography and masturbation, which becomes an intoxicating and addictive mix. What woman can live up to to the expectations of a man fed on such a promiscuous diet? No woman alive can, because he requires a harem to satisfy his lust. The bible says "It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen 2:18 NIV) . I suggest that todays society delays the time for a man to find a woman suitable for him, and instead we turn to, and find, substitutes. God created a man and a woman to be together, to fulfill the longings for intimacy, sexual fulfillment, the desire to create a family and to do something meaningful in this world. You know, a man needs to find fulfillment in his work. I could also talk about the relationship between Adam and Eve and the relationship between Christ and his Bride. The apostle Paul talks about it and he was single, but he says that it is a mystery. Furthermore, we leave our parents, not to get married, but we live on our own which means we can indulge in pornography to our hearts content without anyone knowing, and with the Internet we can become more anonymous than ever. Those in Ephesus, who had practiced sorcery, burned their scrolls; the sexual addict also burns his pornography, but then later buys some more. Fortunately, for the sexual addict, there are a wealth of books available that deal with the subject. We should remind ourselves that Jesus came to save sinners, not the righteous. For those not addicted, keep close to God, use the means of grace (prayer, fellowship, the word) and flee from the source of the addiction. I should add that it would be good to get married, rather than stray into these substitutes at a later time. The model of sexual purity in the Old Testament is Joseph who fled from Potiphar's wife (Gen 39:12), and the model of self control in the New Testament is Joseph the husband of Mary who had no sexual union with her until she had given birth to Jesus (Mat 1:25). It is worth noting that greed is listed along with sexual sins in the bible (Eph 5:3, Col 3:5). Job is another one on the list of the sexually pure (Job 31:1). Creation Absence of its mention could be construed that God does not treat it as seriously as say adultery or fornication. Masturbation is widely practised and oral sex is probably not uncommon in the West. Using the creation narrative as our guide and the principle that the male genital is designed for the female genital, just as food is for the stomach (1 Cor 6:13). Then neither practise can be said to conform with the design of our Creator and should be regarded as deviations from design which are sinful. Masturbation should tell most people that they should be married, (and that God has not given you, the largely unwanted, "gift of singleness"). Masturbation is a substitute for a woman. Unfortunately life is not always so accommodating, because it is not so easy to find a mate. It is not good for a man to be alone (Gen 2:18), masturbation is an act of a man alone who needs a woman. His other half, he hopes and he prays "please God I need a woman". We have heard the love songs on the radio "A man needs a woman". Instead of arranged marriages we have to arrange our own. On the Internet we see the adverts of men who want to find a woman, and women who want to find a man. The desire to find a partner of the opposite sex is still strong today. For resources for those struggling with homosexual tendencies go here. As Paul puts it, better to marry than to burn with passion:
Paul does not mention that masturbation can stop us burning with passion or as a substitute to burning with passion. If we cannot control ourselves, (which might include masturbation) his solution is marriage rather than masturbation. We should also note here that Paul is talking to men and women, he is talking about the unmarried and the widows (1 Cor 7:7). Here, he singles out widows who already know the joys of sex, to them he also says, as well as to the unmarried, "better to marry than burn with passion". While Paul argues that it is good not to marry, he also recognizes that in an immoral society, it is better to marry, than to commit immorality. The teaching from Genesis also shows that it is natural to marry (Gen 2:23-24). Someone who burns with passion does not have the gift of singleness (1 Cor 7:7).
In most cases marriage should put an end the practise of masturbation, although this does not always happen, such is the fallenness of man. In its favour masturbation is safe sex and does not cause pregnancy. If it is not accompanied by pornography and fantasies and used merely as a release mechanism then it is better than fornication and may prevent fornication, the issue then is one of purity of mind. While masturbation is not mentioned, impure thoughts are, and these need to be avoided. Therefore we need to take control over what we look at and avoid those things that give rise to or stimulate lust - papers, magazines, TV, films etc. We should take the responsibility to guard our minds (Phil 4:7-8) so that we are not overtaken by temptation.
Paul's advice to Titus is to urge the young men to be self-controlled, this is good advice. In 1 Th 4:4-5 Paul tells us that "each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God". Also in 2 Tim 2:22 Paul's advice to Timothy, is to flee the evil desires of youth, and a positive command is introduced , which is to pursue righteousness, faith love and peace. If the result is that a young man burns with sexual passion then the solution is marriage. The Vatican command for priests to remain celibate is clearly wrong (1 Tim 4:3 "men who forbid marriage"), it is the doctrine of demons6. The current practise of late marriages, together with a world filled with both sexual immorality and sexual images, are not conducive to purity in both body and mind. For those addicted to pornography I have included some books in part1.
Is masturbation to sin against ones own body (see 1 Cor 6:18)?
Again the problem here is that the Corinthians were going to a prostitute and becoming one body, or one flesh with the prostitute. Paul argues that our bodies are a member of Christ himself, and that we should not unite them with a prostitute. He is sinning against his body by uniting it with a prostitute. This is certainly not the case with masturbation. However perhaps 1 Cor 6:19-20 are more relevant to masturbation, we are not our own, we were bought at a price, therefore we should honour God with our body. It is hard to see that masturbation is honoring to God, while sex within marriage is. Then there is the looking at a woman lustfully issue (Mat 5:28)
For single men, they look for an attractive woman to marry, they eye up the girls. For married men, they have made their mind up "she is for me". Jesus is talking about adultery, which is for married people only, not single people. How many single people have tortured themselves with what Jesus was saying? Single people do not commit adultery. Only the married can do that, I speak as an unmarried Christian man. Job's advice on this is good:
He was married, remember? Practical issues The issue is again one of the impure thoughts that go with masturbation. Even when married these still have to be dealt with. God is surprisingly interested in our purity, he wants a pure bride for Christ. In our day we have to guard what we look at, including TV, magazines, Internet etc. Those Sunday paper magazine supplements are not so innocent are they? The Holy Spirit has attention to detail. I would say that we have to be radical to maintain purity.
I am not suggesting castration! Jesus is using hyperbole, a Rabbinic teaching technique ("If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away" - see Mat 5:29, 18:9, Mark 9:47). One of the early church fathers (Origen) took Jesus literally which must have been rather painful. For most the solution is not so bad, get married, cancel that Sunday paper and deal with whatever causes you to stumble. In many cases this means finding better friends, better reading or watching material, changing your paper shop, cancel that Internet subscription or that cable channel. For men it might mean getting out of bed quickly in the morning rather than indulging your early morning erection (I hear giggles from the ladies but it is true). For those late night insomniacs, keep a good book by the bed. Temptation comes to us when we are at our weakest, I want sleep but my body wants sex. I have often thought that the Devil is unfair, but that is his job, to tempt us. He is the Destroyer, he comes to destroy us while we are helpless children. For many people the key to sexual temptation is to find something better to occupy your mind. Better friends, TV, books, music, sport, I know that Phil 4:8 has been quoted to death, but it is true.
The devil finds work for idle hands and minds. When I am working hard, I do not think about sex, but once the pressure of work is off, I like to relax, need I say more. If you are lonely then go to church and find friends. If you are single then join the singles program (I hate that word), you might just find a life partner (I mean husband or wife). If you are married then go to the married program. If you are a man go to the mens meeting etc.... As Luther said it, I can't stop the birds flying around my head, but I can stop them making a nest there. If we feed our lusts they grow stronger. Do not add fuel to the fire, deal with the fuel. We might not be able to put the fire out but we can stop adding fuel to the fire. We must deal with with the fuel by guarding what we look at and read. Positively we can feed ourselves with good material, this could be in the way of books or study material or Christian company. If we are bombarded with evil thoughts find something good to read or do, listen to good Christian music. Bad company ruins good morals, take care who our friends are, if your friends lead you into sin, find new friends who encourage you to do good. If you are single, it might not be a good idea to put off getting married until you have your degree or have found a good career. In our immoral society, Paul suggests/commands marriage (1 Cor 7:2). A young married friend of mine looked at the skyscrapers instead of the woman, when walking through town, that is practical holiness and love for your wife. Use the means of grace: prayer, bible study, fellowship, communion. Find an older Christian to pray with you, and who can encourage you if you fall. If you fall, confess your sin and get up.
Apart from impure thoughts masturbation takes what should be love for another and perverts it into a kind of self-love. Instead of giving pleasure to another it is self pleasing. Usually it is a phase that young men go through before marriage, but with marriage tending to occur later in life people are turning to sexual immorality or masturbation instead. Instead of being perhaps a short phase it may last for many years. When combined with pornography it becomes an addictive combination that can lead to obsessive and negative results, including making us unsuitable for marriage itself, because no wife can compete with a harem of porn stars, if this is you, see books (the fact that books exist for sexual addicts means that you are not alone and that there is still hope). Within marriage masturbation should not become a substitute for sexual intercourse, because that would be defrauding your partner of their marital rights. If you are a young man, your Pastor will probably recommend that you go to church and get involved with the young peoples group. This is actually good advice. In our church there will be a a lot of godly young woman looking for a life partner. They are looking for a man who loves the Lord. If you want a godly wife you have to draw near to God and be godly yourself. A godly wife is looking for a godly man, yes she will forgive you your sins, simply because she knows God's grace in her own life also. You may need to forgive her past also, but you can do that because God has already forgiven you your past.
You are not alone. For the young man struggling with this, you feel alone, you face your 'temptation' alone, but you are not the only one facing this 'temptation'. This is a temptation common to all men, but for a boy it indicates that he is becoming a man. You are discovering your sexuality, this is a normal part of life. It is a part of self discovery, a transition from a boy to a male sexual person. It highlights the fact that you are a young man alone, your desire is now to find a companion. Once we found girls silly, now they become the object of our increasing interest. Surely, God said "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." As a young man we discover this need for a woman. Then we start our search for a woman, a wife, our 'other half'. It is not good for a man to be alone, but if we remain alone, then we can seek substitutes: pornography; prostitutes etc. These do not solve the problem of being alone, they are substitutes, just a temporary relief to our 'alone-ness'. Menstruation tells a girl that she is becoming a woman. Masturbation tells a boy that he has become a man. One is involuntary the other is voluntary, both are physical, and both are a part of discovering your sexuality. And both are a part of discovering a part of God's plan for your life. For a young man nocturnal emissions are the natural way to deal with sexual energy, there is no guilt involved in that (although the OT has regulations for that as well, Lev 15:16, Deu 23:10, the bible says 'take a bath', probably good advice). Without the onset of sexual desire, how many people would get married? Without our sexual desire human life on our planet would grind to a halt. We would not obey God's command to "Be fruitful and increase in number." Fortunately, God made his command pleasurable. But, this where our problems come, we pervert sexual pleasure. Masturbation can be pleasure for its own sake, it should be for bonding between a man and his wife and maybe procreation. Some Catholics say sex is only for procreation, some say it is for bonding. Most people who masturbate would rather be with a woman who loves them, it is a substitute for the real thing, the desire of a man's heart is to find a woman who loves him. A woman he can share his body with, his emotions with, his life with. The besetting sin. From a pastoral point of view, masturbation is the 'besetting' sin of many a young Christian whose heart is still tender. While the guilt feeling are real and cannot be so easily brushed aside by modern psychiatry. It is also true that the blood of Christ cleanses us from all sin when we confess our sins. It is also true that our Lord understands our struggle on this issue, because he also lived as a single man on this earth. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted (Heb 2:18). If Jesus commanded his disciples to forgive seventy times seven, how much more will he forgive you (Mat 18:22).
Masturbation is not exactly the unpardonable sin. If it was, most men will not get saved and a large number of woman will fail the test also. For most it is a cry for someone to love them, and some physical pleasure in their loneliness and isolation. It is something that you do in secret, as well as those who make love do it in secret. It is very personal.
More encouragement from the bible. We should note that among those listed in the men of faith in Heb 11 is Samson (Heb 11:32), whose weakness was that he was a womaniser (see Judg 14-16). Another one listed is Rahab the prostitute (Heb 11:31). These should give us some encouragement to persist in the faith, see also my essay on 'Jesus attitude to sexual sinners'. However, Solomon had many wives and these turned his heart against God (1 Ki 11:4). For the married man addicted to pornography, this will turn his heart both from God and his wife. For the young man addicted to pornography it will turn his heart from God, and make it difficult to find a wife. No woman can compete with such a harem of models. It should come as no surprise that one of the Christian best sellers is "Every man's battle" aimed for married men, and for singles "Every young man's battle". The point that I am making is that all men face a battle when it comes to sexual purity, especially in the age in which we now live. You are not alone. For those who are addicted to masturbation, pornography or to lusts. You are not alone. These are temptations common to all men. Billy Graham once confessed that the main temptations he experienced were pride, women and money. Perhaps that puts 1 Cor 10:13 in perspective.
Fortunately in our age there are books on the Internet that deal with these issues. There are some pastors that can deal with these issues. Perhaps, in our day that is what God meant when he said "he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it". I hope that for most a godly wife will also help you 'stand up under it'. If you are gay, there are also many Christian resources (books, links). It seems to me that God is unwilling than anyone should perish. For many the solution is marriage (1 Cor 7:2 and 7). However the sexual addict may become too damaged to marry, no woman is physically good enough for him, and if he does marry, he will still be looking around. His ability to be satisfied by his wife will be limited.
Till death do us part. I should note here that the covenant of marriage only lasts until the death of one of the spouses. It is a covenant and if one of them dies the other is free to remarry. Then after death they are free to remarry. There should be no sin or guilt involved. After his wife Sarah died Abraham married Keturah and he had six sons from her (Gen 25:1). Was Abraham a dirty old man? No, he mourned for his wife and he wept over her and he bought her a burial plot (Gen 23:2). After that he sent his servant to get a wife for his son. Once his son had a wife he married Keturah. He got on with his life. If your spouse dies, then yes you mourn, and then you go on with your life. Just as Abraham did, although Sarah, the wife of his youth was dead. Your children might not understand, but you have your life and they have theirs. Marriage should not be forbidden. There are a couple of other issues that need to be dealt with. Firstly, to forbid marriage is the doctrine of demons (1 Tim 4:1-5). God created marriage and it is good, this is God's truth. As married Christians we can rejoice in this truth, and a husband and wife can enjoy making love with no guilt. You can indeed be thankful to God.
Secondly, some people might be under the misapprehension that to abstain from marriage will give them a better position in heaven, based on Rev 14:4 where it says: "These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they kept themselves pure". This is one of the most misunderstood passages of scripture. Now as a bride of Christ we must be a pure virgin, surely Jesus wants to marry a virgin bride. But the bride of Christ is the Church, which must include many married people. The bible is quite clear that to marry is not sin, it is natural and marriage is ordained by God. In this passage in Revelation, it is symbolically saying that the Church, the Bride of Christ, is pure because she has not become idolaters. So if you burn with passion, you do not have the gift of singleness and it is better to marry. Marriage will not make you a second class person in heaven.
Oral sexThe problem with masturbation, is not so much masturbation itself, pubescent boys masturbate, but then it is combined with pornography, and then pubescent boys become sexual addicted men, well into adult life. In a similar way, the problem with oral sex is that we have read too many books, magazines etc etc. Within marriage, (a life-long commitment) there is a wide range of things that can be done sexually. The wife's body belongs to the husband and the husband's body belongs to the wife. That much is clear. Marriage is a physical thing and lasts for life.
The canon of scripture, is not clear on this, but the married man wants to please his wife, and the wife wants to please her husband. My view is that the rule of love applies within marriage.
Paul gives his opinion here; 1Co 7:12-16 ESV To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. (13) If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. (14) For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. (15) But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. (16) Wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife? Husbands, does your wife consent to live with you? Wives, does your husband consent to live with you? If you say "yes" then stick with them (you are already glued together). In response to "oral sex" it is not a salvation issue (because within marriage your bodies belong to each other). It is far worse if your (marriage) partner seeks out a prostitute or another woman (then he becomes an adulterer). Our society is nothing like the Ancient Near East (ANE) society of bible times. We could say that the bible does not say much about how we conduct our sex life. But the OT has quite a lot to say about rape (illicit sex), plus nocturnal emissions and sex when a woman is in menstruation, but these have more to do with ritual impurity. The bible is quite frank about the fact that Leah hired her husband with mandrakes so that he would sleep with her that night (Gen 30:14-16). That might sound familiar, Jacob loved Rachel who was lovely in form, and beautiful, but he did not love Leah. But, the bible is not a sex manual, it tells us when sex is illicit, if we want a sex manual we can buy the Karmasutra or go to our local bookshop. Then we have a problem. We know too far much about the joy of sex. We live in an age in which the media tells us about everything that we did not ask our parents. Welcome to the information age. Fortunately, God has provided us with a way out. See the books below, and for a womans view on her marriage to a sex addict see An Affair of the Mind
The bible has nothing to say about oral sex. But it is clear from the bible, that sex within marriage is holy and good. Indeed it is commanded (1 Cor 7:3-5). Using the creation narrative as our guide and the principle is that the male genital is designed for the female genital, just as food is for the stomach (1 Cor 6:13), we may question oral sex. Has God made the mouth for the male or female genital? The usual advice concerning oral sex within marriage is that it should not become a substitute for genital to genital sex. The rule of love should be used, such that if one partner finds it offensive, then the other should not insist on it. It is true that scripture says nothing about oral sex. Even the Kamasutra has pictures of oral sex; so it goes back a long time. My own view is that it is immature, but if your husband needs it, then it is better than adultery. The consequences of him going to someone else are far worse. The bottom line is that oral sex is better than immorality. This may be more of an issue with Christian wives married to men who are unbelievers, I do not believe that God condemns you if you consent to your husband's demands for oral sex. Paul is clear, that if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. That may sound harsh, but God was there when you made your wedding vows, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, for good sex or for bad sex (including oral sex). If he leaves, you are not bound, does that leave you free to remarry? I think that leaves you free, but this has been controversial for ages (our Lord takes marriage seriously and I am not Paul).
However unacceptable that oral sex is to a wife, it is not grounds for divorce. The marriage covenant states that your body belongs to him and his body belongs to you. (see 1 Cor 7:1-5 if you do not believe me). In this day it is better to give your husband oral sex than he goes to another woman for that. Paul is here dealing with sexual immorality. Paul is quite egalitarian, if the wife desires oral sex then it is the husbands duty to please her in bed also, but it should be done out of love. The wife should also respect her husband, if it goes against his conscience. My view is that it is better for a husband to please his wife in bed than she goes with another man. For wifes with unbelieving husbands. The question is are you willing to live with him? Some men come home (drunk) and want to make love with you, some men come home (drunk) and beat you up. I would suggest that the former (oral sex) is more acceptable than a husband coming home drunk and wanting to beat you up, in this case separation is advised. The question is are you willing to live with him? Is he better than nothing? If you divorce him? What do you have? I would suggest that something is better than nothing.
Regarding anal sex. Remember your wife does not have a prostate gland8 and the rectum and anus is not designed for sex. The hygiene problems with anal sex are obvious. The gays have so many medical problems with anal sex7, so medically it is not advised. Why gamble your wife's health?
Footnotes 1. If a person can excercise self-control over his body, then he can still choose whether to get married, but he is not compelled to marry (1Co 7:37). I think that Paul's point is that if you cannot excercise control over the body (and masturbation is a sure sign of this) then you should marry (but only in the Lord (1Co 7:39)). Paul was a stickler for self-control (over the body) see Acts 24:25 (Paul reasoned about righteousness and self-control and the coming judgment), 1Co 7:5, 1Co 7:9, 1Co 7:37, 1Co 9:25-27, Gal 5:23, 1Th 4:4 (that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor), 1Ti 2:9, 1Ti 2:15, 2Ti 1:7, 2Ti 3:3, also 1Ti 3:2, Tit 1:8, Tit 2:2, Tit 2:5, Tit 2:6 (Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled), Tit 2:12, and Peter also1Pe 4:7. Masturbation is a sign of lack of self-control (over the body), it tells a person that they do not have the gift of singleness (like Paul) and therefore they should seek marriage. It might not be wise to tell your beloved that you want to marry (her) because you cannot control yourself, but if (she) is godly then (she) will understand. As Paul puts it "If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry--it is no sin" (ESV 1 Cor 7:36). I like Paul's wisdom here, sound advice, (He says that it is no sin to get married). 2 1Co 6:20 "for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 3. See Paul (1Co 7:39 ESV) "A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord". Paul again in Rom 7:2 "Thus a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage" 4 The word "partner" is not one that I like to use. A partner is temporary, a wife or husband is life long. Till death do us part. The only lawful expression of sex is to be within the covenant of marriage. 5. Tit 3:3-8 ESV For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. (4) But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, (5) he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, (6) whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, (7) so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. (8) The saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people. 6 A man may have the calling to be a priest, but not the gift of celibacy. Paul is very clear that not all people have the gift of singleness as he did (1 Cor 7:7). If a person cannot exercise self-control they should marry. (1 Cor 7:9). 7. See Thomas E Schmidt, Straight and Narrow. p 117-118. This is what he says regarding gay me who practise anal intercourse. "The rectum is lined with a single layer of columnar epithelial cells designed to absorb liquids. The vagina, by contrast, is lined with tough cells stratified squamous epithelium. These cells have a layer of mucous that, along with other secretions and the thicker, more flexible vaginal wall, protects against abrasion and infection. The rectal wall has no surrounding muscular support, and it secretes a small amount of mucus that does not protect well against abrasion. But the key differences between the vagina and rectum are the cell types and the thickness of the cell layers. The two orifices may feel very much alike to the intruding finger or penis. But one orifice is prone to expel, the other to admit, whatever microorganisms come along for the ride."...."The problem, however, is not the size of the opening but the direction and repetition of the movement. The anus is a one-way valve, stimulated to open only by pressure from inside, and stimulated to contract by pressure from outside. Sudden or inadequately lubricated penetration can tear the anus itself. But more commonly the cumulative effect of anal intercourse is to cause dysfunction of the anal sphincter muscle, and the result is chronic incontinence or urgency of defecation for about one in three men who regularly engage in the practise." See also Satinover , Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth, p67. 8. Therefore, she gets no pleasure, and therefore the sex is expoitative. |